8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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