Bisexual people are plain selfish.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
