do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
