She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
