He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
