i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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