I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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