You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
