I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
