your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
