Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
