Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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