Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This is classic penis vs brain.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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