Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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