So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You ate ashes out of my bong
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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