She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
