I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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