There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
