thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
