you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
