our cab driver is having phone sex.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
