I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
