I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
