I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
