I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
