please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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