Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
