Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
