You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
