I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
