So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
