I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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