Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
