This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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