so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
