I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
