Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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