I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
