Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
