She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
