i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
