..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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