We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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