Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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