Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
