five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
