just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
