u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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