i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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