Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
