Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
