Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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